I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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