morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
