Can Purell be used as lube?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
