Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
