Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize