yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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