Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
