There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
