you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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