i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
