Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
