My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
