There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
