I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Let's get the cat blown out
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
