how can u be prego again
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
