good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
