She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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