Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
