I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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