evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I need water and some morals
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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