god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
At least make sure they are 18
Why
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
