I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
