i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
