No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
