I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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