i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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