my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
