Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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