could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Terrible idea I love it
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
