I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
