great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
