i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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