Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize
