I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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