Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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