Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
