Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
