in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
