is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
worst night to have a conscience
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
