I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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