He had one of those small greek statue penises
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
