i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
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