i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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