Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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