I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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