I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
