Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
im six kinds of drunk right now
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
