This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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