My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
