I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
