i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
And then my night got REAL pukey
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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