Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
