Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
