im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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