is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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