from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
