Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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