If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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