just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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