; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
