i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
