My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
The best revenge is premature balding
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize