ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
